EVERYONE HAS A MODEL
Why a person to model is so important in your adolescence?
You know there are some periods I feel more depressed and when it happens I kind of try to get deeper into the things in my mind. These days I focused on the relationship with money, that led me to remember when I was 12- the beginning of everything. All the troubles started there, or I should say the troubles burst out then.
I refused my father and his values, because he made me suffer. I refused money as value to follow in life because money seemed to be the first value in my parents’ life and I promised to myself I would never be like them.
For my father, money was more important than family and love, and his explanation that he needed money to make the family happy never convinced me, for I felt to miss the basic feeling of being loved.
Refused my father I chose instead David Gilmour as my model. So you see, a large part of what I am now is due to David. When I was 12 he was nearly 30 and I probably saw him as “the good father”. I just knew a few albums of him ( at the time there wasn’t Internet!) and a very few pictures of him shown on the album’s cover and in the poster included in the “Dark side of the moon”, so I modeled him mostly through music, through his guitar.
Now, by YouTube, I can see pictures of him when he was younger, at the beginning of his career, and when he was 30, 40, 50, 60…till last year. I realize I keep on modeling on him, because he is exactly what I expected he was. The traits I mostly loved of him, sweetness, modesty, smiling, intelligence, creativity, goodness, the traits that my father lacked and I needed, are still in David. The older he is, the sweeter he appears. So I’m in love again with him, because right now I need him again to understand the mechanisms in my mind and to meet my unsatisfied needs.
And that’s another important thing I found in Pink Floyd’s music and his way of playing guitar: It’s a deep psychological music, as a journey inside oneself to pursue the truth about oneself and humankind.
I’ve always wanted to know what I am. It’s funny to say but what I am is also the results of modeling others. So I must say the models I chose in my childhood and adolescence, together with my genetic features and my personal own experiences, determined what I am now. So, I’m in a large part as David Gilmour, as my school Italian teacher, as the Italian singer Claudio Lolli, as the German writer Herman Hesse, as the Italian writer Luigi Pirandello, as Brian Molko, as the XIV Dalai Lama ….I must say that David accompanied me for all my adolescence till I was 24 years old. A long time through which I modeled him a lot. That’s why I love him a lot.
I found that for my point of view David and Pink Floyd have much in common with Brian Molko and Placebo. Deep psychological music but, though there are many differences in style, what they both pursue is the truth.
I love both, I modeled both, and what I am now is in a large part due to them. I must say I like as I am, so thank you all.
Alexia Meli
autrice di
La ricerca di se stessi
Verso una nuova identità